The Company of Friends

I remember talking with my mom and dad right after we lost my dear grandmother about 2 1/2 years ago.  Reminiscing about "Mama Ann"  soon turned into my parents reminiscing about their childhoods and one of the things they talked about was their mothers' daily coffee visits with the other mothers in their neighborhoods.  It sounds like it was the norm for the neighborhood homemakers in the 50's to have daily coffee with each other.  Both my parents remember how everyday after their mothers had their essential domestic tasks completed they would call up "Mrs. So-in-So" who lived  a couple of doors down to find out whose house was the coffee site for that morning.  It wasn't a question of "if" they would have coffee it was who was coming over to whose house for coffee.

I am happy with my and Darin's decision to live off of his income so that I can stay home with our children...AND I admire and respect mothers who earn income in or outside of their home in addition to their mothering responsibilities.  So this post is not meant to complain about the fact that it is not exactly the "norm"  for mothers be full-time homemakers anymore.  But I have to say that hearing my parents talk about their mothers' daily coffee visits made me stop in my tracks and ponder the fact that the neighborhood camaraderie that mothers seemed to share in that day is a thing of the past.  Today mothers who desire something similar must forge those realtionships with creativity and determination.

I have been singularly blessed with many dear friends who are authentic and encouraging, giving me many avenues to forge that type of connection.  April is one such friend.

April has three kids all close in age to mine and she and her husband have also chosen to homeschool. She and I became friends at church years before either of us had children.  When we were in the process of adopting Lucy, April and her husband Troy were some of our best "cheerleaders", and before that, she was one of my most considerate and thoughtful friends when I was experiencing infertility.  She threw me a shower when Lucy came home to us... she got goosebumps when I told her I was pregnant with Collin.  So last fall when she approached me with the idea of us getting our kids together regularly throughout the school year, I agreed without hesitation.

                         

Before the school year began, the two of us had coffee and discussed our  hopes and ideas for our times together. We decided that each of us would plan one "playdate" each month for the duration of the school year calendar.  And let me tell you...this is the best thing I have done with/for my children this entire year when it comes to our homeschooling endeavors.  

We have done a variety of playdates both in the community and in each other's homes.  Some of them have had educational components to them, others have been purely recreational.  Some have gone so smoothly they were almost dreamlike.... others were a little bumpy and involved tears and making up.  It is almost summer now and we are wrapping up for the school year... As I am reflecting on our time together, I'd like to share some observations that April and I have consistently made about our playdates and how they have benefited our families:

1. Less-Gumpy Mommies.  Let's just keep it real.  The smiling faces that you see on us and our children in the pictures we post on Facebook don't exactly tell the whole story.  One of the realities of stay-at-home motherhood is that mothers can sometimes become...well...grumpy. And the age-old adage that says, "if mamma ain't  happy, ain't nobody happy"... Yeah it's the truth.  April and I can both attest to the fact that often we have come into playdates frazzled and grumpy.  But something happens when we meet up.  We get into a new environment, our kids are thrilled to see each other and all of a sudden the isolation we may have been feeling melts away and we aren't taking ourselves quite so seriously.  It is beautiful. For us and for our children.

2. Bonding Occurs. It has been so beautiful to watch our children bond with each other this year.  Preschool and early elementary years are such a tender and important time for our children's development.  Among all the things we seek to teach our kids, one of the most challenging "subjects" for them to grasp is the give and take of developing friendships.  Having a small group of friends to be with on a regular basis has afforded us the delightful opportunity to guide our kids through the process of caring for, learning with, apologizing to, forgiving and celebrating with their peers. Most parents care about the friendships their children develop, and our window of influence in this aspect of their lives is short. We are so thankful to have found a pleasant way to make the most of this time that we have to guide them on how to find and be good friends.

3. Masks Come Off. I am currently reading the book No More Perfect Moms by Jill Savage, and in chapter one she urges moms to remove their "masks" that would otherwise communicate to the world that we don't have problems.  Although I tend to think that I am not prone to portray myself or my life as more rosey than it is, when I am honest I will agree that I am still tempted to put on a "mask" of perfection as much as any woman.  But when I am consistently spending face time with April and our kids, there is simply not an option to wear that mask.  We know each other well enough now to see through them. It's healthy as mothers to be in that positon regularly.

I could go on and on (arguably, I have gone on and on), and not just about my friendship with April. I could tell you about Kimberly, Shannon, Jonna, Amy, Andrea, Jamie, Stacy-all friends (who are also moms) near and far whose presence in my life won't allow me to think I am doing this alone. My point is this: it is currently so easy to live in isolation as mothers and developing the friendships we need to combat that isolation takes intentional effort, creativity and energy.  I hope that in sharing some details about experiences that April and I have had (and I have done so with her permission) I have conveyed that it is SO worth the effort, creativity and energy. If our kids could articulate it, I believe they would say so too.

xoxo,

Finding Help

It has been on my heart lately to share a little about how the process of identifying Lucy's special needs has opened my and Darin's hearts more and more to seeking help (in the professional sense) for her (and us).

It has been humbling for me to realize that there are aspects of parenting our daughter that Darin and I are not able to handle without professional help.  The amount and type of help we have sought and received has come in many stages and varieties, and I am guessing that other types of help also will enter our world in the future. I shared in this post about our experiences with identifying Lucy's expressive-receptive language disorder and sensory processing disorder and how we found help for her through speech-language therapy and occupational therapy. After about a year of occupational therapy and approximately two-years of speech-language therapy, we were feeling really encouraged.  Lucy was making amazing language progress and many of the difficult sensory-seeking behaviors were minimized.

We were, however experiencing increased meltdowns that were triggered when Darin or I had to correct, redirect or discipline Lucy. If it were not for the presence of Lucy's other known issues, we might have chalked up these behavioral challenges to being a "phase" or consider her to be a "strong-willed child".  But understanding everything we already did caused us to dig a little deeper into Lucy's behaviors. "Conventional" wisdom in how to discipline children fell flat with her (i.e. timeouts, removing privileges, etc.).  She either seemed completely unaffected by these measures or would melt-down to the point that any teachable opportunity was lost.  Sometimes her emotional response to our discipline measures seemed unusual and puzzling, for example when I took a serious or stern tone with her, she would erupt in uncontrollable laughter.  When I would calmly attempt to remove her from an escalated situation, she would become panicky, yelling at me in protest and sometimes become physically aggressive towards me. Sometimes these meltdowns would last 45-minutes to an hour. Sometimes they would occur multiple times a day.  I found myself feeling hopeless and sometimes angry.  I was also at a loss as to how to give Collin the attention he deserved from me when so much of my energy was spent helping Lucy through these episodes that were beyond her (and my) control.  Too often when Lucy's meltdowns occurred, I just set Collin down in front of a DVD, feeling horribly guilty for resorting to that.  I told Darin that I believed that it was time to enlist the help of a child and family therapist.  This was the help that was the most difficult to seek out... I won't dive into it here, but this was the realization that hurt my "pride" the most.

I had to tackle this feeling of wounded pride head-on, because I knew it was a hindrance to getting what our family needed to keep moving forward.  All of a sudden I had a "flash-forward" in my mind to Lucy's early adulthood.  I wondered what the trajectory of our family's life would look like if we  started to get that help right now as opposed to what it would look like if we kept trudging along in isolation and frustration.  I feared that the visible anxieties, stress and sadness that Darin and I felt over these struggles would start to make it harder for Lucy to feel secure in her relationship with her mommy and daddy.  I feared that the progress we'd made since her infancy in developing a trusting parent-child bond would be disrupted. I also feared that I would become too negative towards her and she would pick up on it. I knew that getting professional help for these challenges wouldn't guarantee a smooth future, but I imagined us continuing on the path we'd been on WITHOUT help for the long haul.  I imagined Lucy as a young adult, perhaps feeling disconnected and distrustful of us.  I imagined myself having to tell her that when she was a little girl, we saw hints of these challenges brewing and considered getting help but refused to do so because of our pride.  Pardon me for saying this, but that's crap. For me, envisioning the possibility of having to admit that to my adult daughter sealed the deal.  I hope with all my heart that as a young adult, Lucy will feel close to us... that she will feel safe with me as her mother and might even be able to view me as a friend.  But, if that is not what unfolds in the future, I'd hate to look back upon her early childhood and have memories of myself clinging to my pride rather than humbling myself when the Holy Spirit had prompted me to let it go and get help.  And I am convinced that the "flash forward" moment I had was a gift from God.

Soon after that key moment, Darin and I got a referral from the agency where Lucy receives her speech and occupational therapies and began to meet regularly with a child and family therapist.  We ended up meeting with this gal for about 3 or 4 months and she helped us learn some simple ideas/strategies that we would have never thought of on our own.  Many of these strategies have made a difference in our ability to guide Lucy in her behavior.  Even though it wasn't practical or feasible to continue meeting regularly with her for the long term, I will look back on the time we spent with her as a turning point and springboard from which we began to make strides in learning to understand and approach Lucy's behavioral challenges.

More recently, we have decided to begin a modified "Applied Behavioral Analysis" (ABA) program in our home with a delightful gal whom we recently connected with.  Ruth is the wife of a pastor at a large local church who has parented a child (now age 18) with issues similar to Lucy's.  I began reading Ruth's blog which she launched several months ago, called Connecting One Piece at a Time and while perusing her site I read about the in-home ABA services she offers to families like ours.  This is the statement from Ruth that captured my attention the most:

"I have developed a passion for encouraging, helping and training children who have learning differences, along with their families. I love helping families normalize family life while living with disabilities."

Between that statement and the encouragement I received from her regular blog posts, I knew that it was worth our while to pursue her help.  So we met her and acquainted her with Lucy's specific needs and began the process of hiring her to come and work with Lucy (and our family) on a weekly basis.  We just had our first session with Ruth this past week and all I can say is that I am feeling grateful and hopeful about this addition to the array of help we have sought and received.

Lucy is a curious, helpful, compassionate, sharing, enthusiastic little girl all wrapped up in an adorable 35 lb package.  It breaks my heart that at times I have been so preoccupied with how to understand her needs and challenges and how to parent her that I have been hindered in enjoying her as the beautiful gift that she is.  But now, with the combination of help that we currently have in place for her I feel like I am being given back the gift of simply enjoying her as my daughter.  I praise God and acknowledge that it's His hand that has guided us through every step in this process.  It is so worth it to seek help. And I hope that somehow our story can encourage others who may need help but feel reluctant to seek it in their own parenting journey.

xoxo,

Plugging Away At Preschool

So we are two months into 2013 and our Midwest winter weather has afforded my little sweeties and I a lot of indoor time at home.  We have been plugging away at our pre-school lessons, but it has been awhile since we've done a Before Five in a Row unit (as much as we LOVE doing them).  I have several more BFIAR books on our shelf that I hope to go through with Lucy and Collin before the school year is up, but after Christmas, I was looking at all the gifts the kids received for Christmas as well as the MANY wonderful educational games, books (not BFIAR), iPad apps and preschool materials that we have collected over time.  I realized that while I was scouring the internet every week for printable materials to go with BFIAR lessons, I wasn't making the best use of what we already had at our fingertips. So, during the past couple of months we have taken a less formal approach for our learning times by simply pulling things from our school room shelves and our iPad and enjoying them together.

Here is a smattering of SOME of our favorite things that we have recently enjoyed together:

1. ABCs of God app for iPhone and iPad.  We have had this sweet little iPad app for several months now, and I just adore it.  It addresses letter recognition, writing, upper case and lower cases and highlights a different attribute of God for each letter.  Lucy has mastered letter recognition and sounds, but my Collin is still working on these concepts, so I have him play with this app a lot and he really enjoys it!

2. Gakken Let's Create preschool workbook.  If you are a fan of the Kumon preschool work books, then you will love this Gakken preschool workbook, "Let's Create".  It includes tracing, cutting, pasting, and coloring.  The illustrations are engaging and cute and it includes stickers to put on each completed sheet as a reward.  It is a hit with both my kids.  My only wish is that the sheets were perforated especially for the pasting activities, but we still love it.

3. Sneaky Snacky Squirrel Game. I can't express how much preschoolers learn through playing board games!  Aside from the academic component of educational games, I love the opportunities to teach social skills such as waiting for your turn and learning to win and lose graciously.  Lucy and Collin request to play the Sneaky Snacky Squirrel Game all the time.  It is very similar to "Hi-Ho-Cherry-O" with the added step of grasping the pieces (in this case, acorns) with tongs, which is a great fine motor  skill practive.

4. Over the Rainbow Game.  This is another great board game that my kiddos love.  I am very impressed with the quality of the cardboard pieces and illustrations.  It addresses color recognition and helps to build vocabulary.

5. Eloise Wilkin Stories In the beginning of this school year, I was considering using Sonlight's Pre K 3-4 Core with Lucy and Collin.  While I didn't go with the full set, I did purchase some of the individual books from the reading list, and the Eloise Wilkin Stories treasury book has been such a big, big hit.  I love and recognize many of these stories from my childhood and they have obviously stood the test of time because Lucy and Collin have become quite attached and seem to have made friends with several of the characters even though they are obviously from a different era.  The first morning that I read "We Help Mommy" to them, they were practically begging me to give them some household chores to do.  Score!

6. Bug Games app for iPhone and iPad.  Here is another pre-school iPad app that we love.  It includes phonics, visual-spatial awareness, counting/number recognition and music activities in a bright and simple bug-related games.  Lucy and Collin particularly enjoy putting virtual stickers on the giant leaf every time they complete three activities in a row.

7. The Book of Children's Classics.  I think I picked up this book treasury at Half-Price Books years ago before I even had children.  I bought it because it contained so many beloved children's books from my own childhood that I had to have it and save it for "when I had kids someday".  The included stories that have been the biggest hits in our home are: Corduroy by Don Freeman, Ferdinand the Bull by Munro Leaf, and Madeline by Ludwig Bemelmans.  These books have been a particularly big hit with Collin, and he loves to retell them in his own words, which is such a great learning practice, especially championed by the Charlotte Mason educational methods.

8. Preschool Lotto Game by Eeboo.  This is yet another high-quality game that Lucy and Collin keep requesting to play over and over again. It is also a great vocabulary-builder, especially for kids like Lucy who need extra help with speech-language development. If you haven't discovered Eeboo products yet, then you are in for a treat.  Their games, puzzles and craft kits are so fun, creative and engaging.  I have a feeling that this game is just the first of many Eeboo products to enter our home.

Another exciting development in our family that pertains to our preschool endeavors, is that Miss Lucy has begun sounding out words!  I have been so proud of her dedication to learning to read simple words and I can't express how wonderful of a feeling it was for me to be present for the first word that she sounded out independently.  To keep her little mind stimulated, I created a couple of sight words file folder games.  She brings them to me all the time requesting to "work on her words".  I thought it would be fun to share the two games that I created as free printables, in hopes that they will be fun early-reading activities for others to enjoy with their little ones.  I am totally new to this whole PDF-document-making and uploading thing, so if anyone would be so kind as to test these links out and let me know if you were able to successfully download them, I would love to know if they work or not!

Sight Words File Folder Game

Sight Words File Folder Game 2

We sure have been enjoying our laid-back learning here at home in the past few months.  I hope that these "reviews" are helpful and give good ideas to other parents who desire to have meaningful learning opportunities at home with their preschoolers!

xoxo,

Music and Movement!

This post is inspired by a few different things:

 1. I am a stay-at-home mommy to two busy, WIGGLY preschoolers living in a COLD climate.  They I depend on them getting adequate physical activity during the day for life to run smoothly around here, and our options for physical activity in the winter are very limited.  The majority of our indoor options involve yucky germs and can be a little overstimulating (i.e. fast food play places, indoor mall play areas and the like, so we try to limit the frequency of our visits to such places).

2. I believe in music and its many, many benefits to our lives.  Not that I am at all musically gifted... I can't carry tune, and I never learned how to read music, but I grew up in a family that absolutely appreciated and promoted music.  When I worked as a caseworker for kids and adults with intellectual disabilities (before our kids came along) I remember attending a seminar about music therapy, and I really enjoyed learning about how music has been instrumental in helping kids who were non or pre-verbal learn ways to communicate and gain language.  Now as a mother to a child with Mixed Expressive-Receptive Language Disorder, I can vouch for how beneficial music is to these kiddos.  Lucy didn't start verbalizing words until she was past the age of two and her initial vocabulary came directly from songs that we would listen to with her or sing to her.  

3. I am a dancer at heart.  I spent the better part of my childhood taking dance classes- tapping, twirling, leaping and doing the running man in my spare time.  I don't formally dance any more, but it will always be a part of me (for a good story, ask my friend, Shannon about the time she showed up at my house for coffee and learned heard my love for tap dancing) and it will likely always be a way that I bond with my kids.

And so, over the past year or so, Lucy, Collin and I have gathered some favorite tunes that we have enjoyed  together.  Some of these songs have simple choreography that we like to do with them, others have little instructions built right into the lyrics and we need only listen and participate when they show up in our play list. Some encourage dramatic play, others we simply free-dance with, and still others we enjoy best when we grab a simple rhythm instrument and enter into the beat.  It occurred to me on this bitterly cold January day while we were having a dance party, that some of my mommy-friends might enjoy taking a peak at our playlist and seeing what we do with the songs to help them get through the winter doldrums with their little ones too!

So HERE are 15 songs that we enjoy together on a regular basis!  **All of the songs I mention below can be purchased/downloaded from iTunes with the EXCEPTION of the two songs that were produced by Group Publishing for their Vacation Bible School programs from 2009 and 2012 I have included Youtube videos for those.** Also, for the ones that have choreography that was NOT created by me, I have included the Youtube videos that I used to learn the choreography.  I normally just use the videos to teach myself and then I teach the kids using the audio only.

Hope you enjoy:

1. "Shake Your Body Down" by Laurie Berkner Band.  Can be found on iTunes with their album, "Party Day".  This one has choreography that is built right into the lyrics.  It is super fun, really cute and has been a huge hit, especially with Miss Lucy.

2. "No Matter How I Feel" from Group Publishing's 2012 VBS program, "Sky". I discovered this song when my parents gave me the"Sky" music CD after their church did this program for their VBS last year..  It is really upbeat and it addresses something that we have been trying to help our kids understand: negative emotions and how to bring them before God.

 

3. "I'm a Gummy Bear (The Gummy Bear Song)", available on iTunes.  This song and the choreography came to us directly from the goodness that is "Just Dance Kids 2" for the Wii.  It is nothing more than sheer silliness.  You're welcome.

4. "Rag Mop" by Lionel Hampton and His Orchestra. We love this one so much.  We normally do free dance and grab some instruments like maracas or rhythm sticks and play them in time with the spelling of the word "Rag Mop" or rather "R-A-G-G M-O-P-P" in the song.  Get ready to tap your toes! We got into this and the next two songs when we received  this awesome music compilation CD, "Jazz for Kids: Sing, Clap Wiggle and Shake".

 5. "Old McDonald", Ella Fitzgerald, also from  "Jazz for Kids: Sing, Clap Wiggle and Shake".  This rendition of "Old McDonald" redefined the song for me and now if it comes to mind, this is the version that plays in my head. We love to free dance, jump on our mini trampoline and of course, sing along with this one!

6. "Chicken Rhythm", Sam Gaillard, again from "Jazz for Kids: Sing, Clap Wiggle and Shake". Another song for sheer silliness.  We just strut around and squawk like chickens. Pretty much impossible to put this song on and not smile! 

7. "Shaking Your Maracas", Julie Wylie on the album "Do the Bean Bag Bop" available on iTunes.  This one is mellow and a good exercise in listening to and following instructions.  Engaging and sweet. Make sure you have a pair of maracas or another shaker instrument if you give this one a try.

8. "Bean Bag Rock", from the album, "Children's Songs and Activities" on iTunes. I came across this when I was searching for fun ways to play with bean bags. It's pretty old...I'm thinking 1970s? Makes me think of School-House Rock songs.  Anyways, each person needs their own bean bag and we just listen and do what it tells us to do with the beanbags. Pretty simple. Very silly.  Quite dorky.

9. "Ring Around the Rosie", from the album, "Mickey's Party Songs".  If you can stomach the sound of Goofy's voice singing this old classic multiple times in one track, your kids will find it delightful.  It definitely won't be your favorite, but que sera. It has been a hit when we have a larger group of kiddos over for playdates.  We put the mini trampoline in the middle and let each kid take turns jumping on it while the others circle around them.

10. "Mambo Italiano", Rosemary Clooney from the album, "16 Most Requested Songs: Rosemary Clooney".  When I was a sophmore in college, one of my hallmates in the dorm would play this song extra loud and we'd all congregate there and belt it out and dance to it for study breaks.  I introduced this song to my kids for the express purpose of reliving those memories.  Turns out they (and most kids) love it.  You'll love dancing with your kids to it too!

11. "When Will my Life Begin" from Disney's "Tangled (Soundtrack from the Motion Picture)".  If you have seen this movie, you will know why it made our playlist.  My kids and I like to sing and dance while waving around a super long piece of tulle. We pretend that it is Rapunzel's hair.  Cute. : )

12. "We're Going on a Bear Hunt", Chalfont Singers from the album, "Kids Dance and Play".  This is a classic and so fun to act out.  Bonus points if you build a cave out of sofa cushions.  Extra bonus points if you do this at night with the lights off while toting a flashlight.

13. "Life's a Happy Song" from "The Muppets (Original Soundtrack)".  I have a weakness for anything "Muppets" and I have a dream to organize a tap-dancing flash mob to this song... Until that dream becomes a reality, I settle for dancing with my kids to it.  This is another fun one to use rhythm instruments with. 

14. "Pass the Beanbag", find it on iTunes on the album, "Children's Songs and Activities".  This is another old, fairly dorky song.  We enjoy sitting in a circle and passing the bean bags along with the song, and it is especially fun to vary the speed when the song instructs us to do so. It's another great one for practicing the skill of listening to and following instructions.

15. "Hah-La-La" from Group Publishing's 2009 VBS program, "High Seas Expedition".  I also received this CD from my parents after their church used this program for VBS in '09.  This is another good one with a decent-sized group of kids.  It gets them interacting with each other using appropriate friendly touch ("shake a friend's hand", "pat a friend's back", etc.) Great for peer interaction and learning some social skills.

And that does it!  I hope this post finds its way to my friends who are also at home with their pre-school-age kids and could use some fun ideas for interacting with their kids, especially during these long winter months.  I'd love to hear feedback if you introduce any of these songs to your kids and how you and they like them!  Please share this post with friends too if you feel so led. 

xoxo,