An Update, An Anniversary and Some Holy Week Reflections

The last time I wrote seems like  WAS so long ago.  Our family was still in the Chicago area and Darin was completing his final month of intensive rehab.  Our little Nora had just turned two. The novelty of being in a different and exciting city had worn off for Lucy and Collin.  They were just plain homesick.  We all were.  Even though we had been so richly blessed by the amazing local church we attended while there, we missed our community.  It was time to come home.

And we pulled into our driveway on the evening of October 31st, 2015 where much of our family and friends gathered with an amazing meal and lots of hands to unload our trailer.  The welcome was sweet.

In November I worked hard on rearranging our home to be closer to the condition it was in before Darin's injury.  Successful growth and learning in rehab meant that Darin was competent with stairs and could move back into our second story master bedroom! I also worked hard (along with many dear friends and family who pitched in) to throw a BIG birthday bash and night of reflection and thanksgiving for Darin's 40th! It was an unforgettable evening and worth every bit of effort.

December, in addition to all the Christmas celebrations, brought a lot of attention to how to give our children the routine and structure that would help them thrive after so much upheaval and crisis in their lives.  We ended up finding and enrolling them both in part time school programs which offered us the ideal blend of homeschooling and classroom learning.  They both began with their new routines in January, and even though there have been a few challenging aspects of the transition, Darin and I both so pleased with how well they are doing and agree that it is just what we all need for now.

January and February brought a lot of careful consideration to when would be the right time for Darin to return to his job.  To say that his work family has been supportive to us during these trials would be a gross understatement.  It brings tears to my eyes to recount the many ways they helped us including (but not limited to) work days at our home, replacing our dryer when it died, visits, cards, generous gifts, meals, taking our kids on outings, etc. Who wouldn't be eager to return to work among such a team?  Unfortunately, together with Darin's doctors and therapists, we have determined that Darin's has too much ongoing work to do in therapy to be able to return to work full-time yet.  And to be fair and respectful to his coworkers who have worked hard to cover his responsibilities over this past year, it was time to submit his resignation and allow his position to be filled by a new full-time team member. We sincerely hope that the door will reopen for him to eventually return, and we are trusting God with that, but for now this is the right decision.

So far, the month of March has been about regrouping.  We've been figuring out how to arrange for dependable health coverage for our family and working hard on assembling as much exercise equipment in our home as possible so that Darin can incorporate two to three hours of exercise into his daily routine which truly helps him get stronger and improves his quality of life.  We have also been doing some grieving and reflecting as the first anniversary of his accident is rapidly approaching on March 27th (which also happens to be Easter Sunday).

In the earliest, most chaotic days of Darin's hospitalization last March, the timing of being there at the end of Lent and during Holy Week and Easter Sunday was so powerful for us.  When I saw Darin enduring unthinkable physical suffering the only thing that I could really find solace in was the reality of Jesus' physical suffering.  When we were tempted to despair, we were able to take hold of the hope of Jesus' resurrection and the promise of our own resurrection someday.  I am so thankful that the first difficult anniversary of Darin's accident is also the day that we and all of our brothers and sisters in Christ celebrate HIS victory over sin, suffering and death and the fact that we can lay hold of His victory as our own.

Tomorrow is Palm Sunday.  And starting tomorrow I am planning to share memories from the early days of Darin's spinal cord injury journey along with reflections on the events of Holy Week and the hope that Jesus has given us.  I hope to share one memory and one reflection each day starting tomorrow and concluding on Easter Sunday. I am doing this largely as an exercise to prepare myself for next Sunday but I am also doing so because I hope it will bring encouragement to you if you are able to read. Thanks, dear friends.

xoxo,

Fighting Discouragement (A Guest Post by Darin)

Note: I am really so pleased to be able to share these honest and inspiring words from my husband tonight.  It has been my privilege and honor to convey our journey since his accident on behalf of him and our whole family.  But I think you will be especially blessed to read his OWN words now:

Erika has so eloquently captured our journey since my accident through Facebook and blog posts.  Although I know I should be disciplined at writing and journaling, I’ve failed to write until now.  I’ve attempted to show my gratitude for all the support received since my accident, but I’m convinced I have failed to share how important your support and encouragement has been throughout my recovery.

It is so easy to be swallowed by discouragement.  Focusing on the daily trials could easily spiral me into despair.  My disability is very visible, and it’s easy to assume that the hardest obstacle to overcome is my restrictions in mobility.  It is hard witnessing the world through a wheel chair, or being compared to a turtle because I’m so slow using my walker.  But my biggest physical obstacles are not visible.

My primary obstacle is chronic pain.  Although I have regained muscle strength to be able to walk, ignoring the pain is hard.  The pain is hard to describe, it’s like the tingling feeling when your foot goes numb coupled with an aching feeling when you stretch a muscle.  It’s most noticeable when I’m stationary and makes it nearly impossible to be comfortable.  The intensity varies throughout the day, and I haven’t discovered how to control it.  I have found exercises that help reduce the pain, but rarely is it avoided.  I can’t escape it, or lay in bed and try to ignore it.  I catch asking myself, “is this the life that I’m called to…overshadowed by pain?” 

Another obstacle is managing my bowels and bladder.  I have to manage my diet and fluids closely, wondering what impact foods or caffeine may have on my body.  I have to use “alternative methods” when using a toilet, and though they aren’t painful, it can be depressing when confronted that my body and its systems don't work like they were designed to.

Accepting the changes to my body is hard.  It could be as simple as taking a shower and not being able to feel the water on certain areas of my body.  Often I’m unaware of how my legs have deteriorated from muscle loss, but reminded when I see a picture of myself.  Discovering a handful of soft tissue where there used to be firm muscle is depressing.  I now have to use care when I sit because I don’t have muscle cushioning my pelvis, and can never slouch and must remain a rigid posture to not put stress on my lower back or experience pain and discomfort.  Finally, I’ve discovered that my hip is fragile because it isn’t protected by the normal layers of muscle and must use extreme caution to prevent a fall.  I can get lost by wondering if these changes to my body will be restored to pre-injury or if this is the new normal.

Focusing on these physical obstacles could easily spiral me into despair, without even considering the emotional obstacles and challenges to being a father and husband.  Trying to shoulder the burden of these obstacles would crush me.  I don’t have the optimism or shear grit to press through.  I don’t even have the faith to hold on to hope confronted with these obstacles.  It is the strength of the Holy Spirit moving through the family of God that sustains me.  When my hope is crushed, I can lean on the hope of others.  When my faith is weak, I can find strength in the faith of others.  When downcast, I can find encouragement through the support of others through letters and prayers.  When discouraged, I encounter the presence of God through the sacrifices that so many have made to support our family.  Sacrifices to modify and care for our home, caring for our children, gifts of financial support, surprise visits to Chicago to offer encouragement, unexpected gifts, pampering my wife, taking care of our pets, and providing meals.

I am often humbled by comments of the strength that we demonstrate through this trial.  I want to confess that I am weak, and could be easily swallowed by the discouragement encountered so often.  You don’t need to search hard to find men who have encountered the same injury who live in despair.  Any strength demonstrated is the result of the Holy Spirit working through the hands of so many lifting us up in prayer, making sacrifices on our behalf, and offering words of encouragement and support. 

There is a poster found in many churches of footprints on a beach.  The story that accompanies the picture if of a man who looks back on his life and only sees one set of footprints during trials.  He discovers that the footsteps he sees belong to Christ who is carrying him through those trials.  A better picture of how Christ supports us through trials is that there would be so many footprints you couldn't distinguish one from another, because it is Jesus working through His Church that carries us through trials.  I am weak, but carried through this trial by the feet of so many provides me strength, hope, faith and endurance.  Physically, I don't know what healing I will experience, but I do know that after being touched by they Holy Spirit through the hands of so many, I will never be the same.

Erika here again!  I wanted to share that our family has temporarily relocated to the Chicago area so that Darin could receive therapy from the renowned Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago and we are nearing the end of our three month stay here.  While Darin and our whole family have made many gains here, we have also been walking through even more valleys, as he has experienced another major injury (a hip fracture) which required another surgery and hospitalization.  We continue to ask for prayer, especially on this last stretch here before we head back home. We love you!

xoxo,

Oh Hello Again!

It's an understatement to say that it has "been awhile" since I last posted. There have been some big changes and milestones for our family that have happened since then.  Here is the biggest and by far SWEETEST change our family has experienced:

 

 This little 4-month-old, 12 lb package of sweetness is Nora Amelia. She was born to us on October 8th, 2013 and she has simply stolen our hearts.  She cries and fusses quite a lot (more than either of her older siblings did as babies) and she grins and giggles even more.  Carrying her was a little more taxing than my pregnancy with Collin, but giving birth to her was so "easy" it was almost dreamlike.  She hates napping during the day, but loves sleeping at night.  She loves to snuggle close to me in my baby carrier, but also loves moving around and flexing her muscles during playtime.  The whole family is smitten with this sweet little study in contrasts, but no one's affections for her seem to rival her big sister Lucy's (although Collin's run a VERY close second).

In other family updates, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer a little over a year ago and has since undergone surgery, chemotherapy and radiation treatments.  We are all just so thankful that our "Mama Gail" was diagnosed early, treated in a timely manner and is now cancer free.  It was hard to see my mother endure the suffering that this chapter brought (especially with the miles that physically separate us), but it has also been a privilege to see her do so with her eyes fixed on Jesus and with a spirit of dependence on Him.  Thankfully her chemo and radiation treatments concluded BEFORE our Nora was born and she and my dad were both able to come and spend time with us as soon as she arrived.

 

It has been a "milestone" school year for Miss Lucy as she and I have been homeschooling for kindergarten.  While academic learning definitely does not come easily for her, she simply LOVES school time.  Even if everything else in her world isn't going her way, she is always eager to sit down with me for our lessons and I couldn't be more proud of her.  She is making particularly great strides in reading and math and it is such a privilege to be a part of that learning process with her.  

 

Darin and I decided to enroll Collin in a preschool class for this year which we feel has been especially beneficial for him in light of all the changes that a new baby has brought for our family.  He attends on Tuesdays and Thursdays and it has been just a wonderful addition to his life and I see the fruits of his teachers' investments in him as we continue to reinforce his early learning here at home.  He is a joy and his creativity, curiosity and desire to be a helper have blossomed during the past few months.

Darin and I are both pretty exhausted these days, but investing in the life of our little family has certainly been a rewarding way to be tired. These early days of parenthood may not be the most glamorously romantic times for a marriage, but working side by side sure opens our eyes to the depth of our devotion to each other and certainly reveals where our dependence lies.  Thankfully, though imperfectly, we are both depending on the sustaining grace of our Lord Jesus Christ in this life as we eagerly await our perfection in the life to come.  I have been especially blessed to see Darin manage a truly demanding career at our local community college in addition to serving and loving our family.  He has been creating and implementing programs in our community that provide vocational training to folks who are unemployed and underemployed and then connects them to potential employers.  It just makes this former social worker's heart go all a flutter and makes me fall in love with him all over again.  I love my guy.

We didn't get a Christmas card out this year nor did we even send out a birth announcement for Nora, so please accept this blog post as a (belated) substitute.  I am just so thankful to be the wife and mommy in this bunch.  On the pleasant days and the rough ones. 

xoxo,