The kids and I did some hard work today. I'd like to spare some detail, so suffice it to say that I endeavored to tackle some poor habits that all of us have been practicing at home and attempted to introduce some new habits that I believe will serve our family well.
I was really proud of both of my "big kids". They received and followed my instructions and exercised diligence that defied their developmental stages. By the end of the day we were all tired, and Darin had to work late.
Sweet 9-month-old Nora was pretty worn out too. She had been along for the ride throughout our busyness and ended up being awake for much more of the day than I had anticipated.
So I made a plan to get her down for bed and be "Fun Mommy" for the rest of the evening by doing a movie and popcorn night with Lucy and Collin. It was just going to be the three of us and it was going to be great.
And oh boy, was I ever "Fun Mommy". I popped the corn, I sprinkled in the M&Ms, I made up chocolate milk and we were JUST about to snuggle in front of Curious George, when one of the kids acted upon an impulse that started a chain reaction that ultimately brought the movie, popcorn and snuggling plans to a halt. Nora woke up. Chaos ensued. All three of the kids were crying.
I am sorry to say that when I scolded the child who made the impulsive move, I overreacted and laid blame. I could have responded with grace, I could have overlooked the "offense", especially after a full day of this child doing so beautifully with the tasks of the day. But I blew it.
After Darin got home from work he was able to help me get the older two kids to bed while I was working with Nora to help her sleep again. I began to replay the events of the evening and go through all the ways I would have handled myself differently if I could. In those moments, if you had asked me to describe myself in one word, I might have said "scum".
But then, the Holy Spirit brought to mind something that I had written five and a half years ago. Once I tracked it down and read it, it gave me goosebumps. I realized that God in His sovereignty just might have prompted me in January of 2009 to pray for the very things and write down the very words that I would need on this balmy July night in 2014.
Please allow me to share:
" When Darin and I face difficult parenting issues, I can trust God to supply us with the wisdom we need to be the parents that our children need. I can also trust Him to forgive us when we make parenting mistakes. We can ask God to heal our children when we hurt them.
As I pray for our children and for Darin and I as their parents, I want to ask God to protect all of us from pain that we might inflict upon each other. But now I'm sensing the Holy Spirit reshaping my prayers... and rather than asking God to keep us from hurting each other, I start to focus more on asking God to bring our children to faith in Him at an early age. That we may all have our Savior in common and that we will all be able to run to Jesus together when we inevitably hurt each other, or deal with disappointment within our family. That rather than shielding my children from pain, I would be able to guide them to the One who can heal them of their hurts.
I don't know the challenges that lie ahead for our family. But I know the One who is building our family and I have faith that He is building it for His glory. That gives me more peace and more confidence to parent our children than anything else."
Revisiting these words and prayers from years ago was a gift. And now, if you were to ask me to use one word to describe what I am striving for, I would have to break the rules and give you three. "Remaining in Him" (which is what Jesus invited his followers and friends to do in John 15:4). Incidentally, the kids and I listened to this scripture (set to music) several times today. While we were hard at work, this album was in the playlist:
I can't say enough how much I am enjoying the music from Seeds Family Worship which just so happens to be available for free audio streaming for Amazon Prime users. Click on the above image for the link.
And thanks for allowing me to share what is on my heart tonight.
xoxo,
