I am happy with my and Darin's decision to live off of his income so that I can stay home with our children...AND I admire and respect mothers who earn income in or outside of their home in addition to their mothering responsibilities. So this post is not meant to complain about the fact that it is not exactly the "norm" for mothers be full-time homemakers anymore. But I have to say that hearing my parents talk about their mothers' daily coffee visits made me stop in my tracks and ponder the fact that the neighborhood camaraderie that mothers seemed to share in that day is a thing of the past. Today mothers who desire something similar must forge those realtionships with creativity and determination.
I have been singularly blessed with many dear friends who are authentic and encouraging, giving me many avenues to forge that type of connection. April is one such friend.
April has three kids all close in age to mine and she and her husband have also chosen to homeschool. She and I became friends at church years before either of us had children. When we were in the process of adopting Lucy, April and her husband Troy were some of our best "cheerleaders", and before that, she was one of my most considerate and thoughtful friends when I was experiencing infertility. She threw me a shower when Lucy came home to us... she got goosebumps when I told her I was pregnant with Collin. So last fall when she approached me with the idea of us getting our kids together regularly throughout the school year, I agreed without hesitation.
Before the school year began, the two of us had coffee and discussed our hopes and ideas for our times together. We decided that each of us would plan one "playdate" each month for the duration of the school year calendar. And let me tell you...this is the best thing I have done with/for my children this entire year when it comes to our homeschooling endeavors.
We have done a variety of playdates both in the community and in each other's homes. Some of them have had educational components to them, others have been purely recreational. Some have gone so smoothly they were almost dreamlike.... others were a little bumpy and involved tears and making up. It is almost summer now and we are wrapping up for the school year... As I am reflecting on our time together, I'd like to share some observations that April and I have consistently made about our playdates and how they have benefited our families:
1. Less-Gumpy Mommies. Let's just keep it real. The smiling faces that you see on us and our children in the pictures we post on Facebook don't exactly tell the whole story. One of the realities of stay-at-home motherhood is that mothers can sometimes become...well...grumpy. And the age-old adage that says, "if mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"... Yeah it's the truth. April and I can both attest to the fact that often we have come into playdates frazzled and grumpy. But something happens when we meet up. We get into a new environment, our kids are thrilled to see each other and all of a sudden the isolation we may have been feeling melts away and we aren't taking ourselves quite so seriously. It is beautiful. For us and for our children.
2. Bonding Occurs. It has been so beautiful to watch our children bond with each other this year. Preschool and early elementary years are such a tender and important time for our children's development. Among all the things we seek to teach our kids, one of the most challenging "subjects" for them to grasp is the give and take of developing friendships. Having a small group of friends to be with on a regular basis has afforded us the delightful opportunity to guide our kids through the process of caring for, learning with, apologizing to, forgiving and celebrating with their peers. Most parents care about the friendships their children develop, and our window of influence in this aspect of their lives is short. We are so thankful to have found a pleasant way to make the most of this time that we have to guide them on how to find and be good friends.
3. Masks Come Off. I am currently reading the book No More Perfect Moms by Jill Savage, and in chapter one she urges moms to remove their "masks" that would otherwise communicate to the world that we don't have problems. Although I tend to think that I am not prone to portray myself or my life as more rosey than it is, when I am honest I will agree that I am still tempted to put on a "mask" of perfection as much as any woman. But when I am consistently spending face time with April and our kids, there is simply not an option to wear that mask. We know each other well enough now to see through them. It's healthy as mothers to be in that positon regularly.
I could go on and on (arguably, I have gone on and on), and not just about my friendship with April. I could tell you about Kimberly, Shannon, Jonna, Amy, Andrea, Jamie, Stacy-all friends (who are also moms) near and far whose presence in my life won't allow me to think I am doing this alone. My point is this: it is currently so easy to live in isolation as mothers and developing the friendships we need to combat that isolation takes intentional effort, creativity and energy. I hope that in sharing some details about experiences that April and I have had (and I have done so with her permission) I have conveyed that it is SO worth the effort, creativity and energy. If our kids could articulate it, I believe they would say so too.
xoxo,
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