No sooner had Darin fallen off that ladder than I started hearing a chorus of voices asking this and other variations of this question. It is a curious thing to be in the midst of a crisis and have so many offers of help from family and friends that you can't accept each one. I have experienced a lot difficult emotions as a result of Darin's accident. I have been overwhelmed, afraid, in denial, despondent and angry. But I have not felt lonely. Nor have I been tempted to feel that way. I have never wondered where help would come from when Darin, the kids or I needed it. Because it came, and often it was on its way before I even knew we needed it.
Have you ever known someone who was in the midst of a devastating crisis and you felt compelled to come to their immediate aid but you had no idea what was truly needed or wanted? Often in these situations it is so difficult to imagine what it is like to be at the center of the crisis that you feel helpless to offer anything of value. I have been there. I have offered and given help to others that did't seem like "enough". I confess I have also hung back and not helped at all because I couldn't think of "the right help to give" or was afraid of "being a nuisance".
Being in the center of a crisis situation and on the receiving end of help from my community has given me fresh insight. I have learned that often God answers cries for help from His children though the willing hands of His other children. I have been reminded that God has given His people unique gifts. And when they use their gifts in small ways and He orchestrates and unites their offerings to accomplish His work, it brings Him Glory!
Have you ever read one of those popular blog posts or articles circulating around the internet that provides lists of "do's" and "don'ts" to remember when you are interacting with people who are on a journey unlike your own? You know like "10 things NOT to say to someone whose dog just died" or "5 things you can do to avoid a negative relationship with your daughter-in-law".
I like those articles. Kind of. Except for when they set people up to think they are going to fail at helping others before they even try. Or encourage you to be so fearful of saying "the wrong thing" that you don't say anything at all.
No one voice can represent an entire population of folks who are suffering. Different personalities might feel loved and supported by different kinds of gestures. So rather than share list of specific recommendations of things to do or not for people in crisis, I would like to share a sampling of things that people did for our family while Darin was in the hospital. I hope that it will inspire and empower you use your unique gifts to do small things that make BIG impacts in the lives of people who are hurting.
On the evening of Darin's accident, my friend, Shannon, was by my side and she drove me home to pack a bag for myself and she helped me think through what I might need because my head was swimming too much to think and plan accordingly. She was also the person who was there at the hospital just for ME on the day of his surgery. She walked me to the cafeteria when I needed to try to eat something. She encouraged me to find a place to lay down and rest when I needed to. She took my phone from me when she could tell I needed a break from frantically responding to texts or updating my Facebook status.
While Darin was in the ER, our pastor, Scott took my phone and kept it charged and helped me communicate with my and Darin's families so I could focus my attention on Darin and just be there for him.
Denise, Laura, Niki, Jamie and Jonna (friends who were already familiar with my kids' quirks, routines, likes and dislikes provided the immediate childcare) and also helped to coordinate volunteers for future Childcare needs.
My neighbors, Karmen, Lindsey, Sacha and Niki were always there to give a hug or a listening ear in the evenings when I came home and took my nightly walk around the block with Nora in the stroller.
Scott, Jonna and Shannon created a meal sign up on a website and organized a system for dropping meals off so I didn't have to figure all of that out. They also started a Facebook group for prayer and support and communication for the masses who were interested in updates.
Mark, Joel, Ned, Noah, Tim, Matt, Scott, Chris, Cameron, Jon, David, Jonathan, Eric (all men who have been a spiritual encouragement in Darin's life at one point or another) came to the hospital and prayed for him, read and declared truth from God's word over him and often stayed with him through the night so that I could spend the nights at home with the kids but know Darin wasn't alone. I affectionately refer to these men in my mind as our "band of brothers." When any one of them showed up at the hospital I would immediately feel a burden of weight lifting off of my shoulders. Their presence made Darin stronger. They gave me big-brotherly advice when I didn't know how to support Darin. They gave reassuring hugs. I don't think that Darin and I could have made it through his time in the ICU without them.
James and Katie, as well as Jessica and Milo are friends who gave birth to babies in the same hospital that we were at. They both let me come and hold their sweet newborn babes which was a great escape for me when things were hard at the hospital
Jaime, Darin's coworker who is an RN (an exceptional one at that) visited us several times in the hospital and helped me understand from a medical standpoint a lot of what was going on. Even thought the doctors and nurses on duty were exceptional and accommodating, Jaime filled in the gaps and helped me when I needed additional explanations and reassurances.
Darin's boss, Mike, asked for a list of needs that we had and then worked with Darin's coworkers to meet them. He also went above and beyond to help us figure out his medical leave and benefits. Mike and all of Darin's co workers have been by our side and provided in practical ways for the long haul.
Another cohort from Darin's workplace built a wheelchair accessible ramp for our front door.
Paul and Denise helped keep things running smoothly at home. They've quietly, faithfully taken care of our pets, taken out our trash, provided stability for our children and supplied us with ice cream.
Sarah, a friend who runs an in-home-day care AND owns a gluten-free bakery kept Nora in the mornings for me and supplied Darin with yummy treats (both free of charge)!! Oh yeah, and she and her husband GAVE us a mattress and box spring for our main floor for Darin's new bedroom.
A sweet couple, Dean and Kelsey, took our little dog Minnie into their home and cared for her for several weeks when it became too difficult to care for her at our house.
Batman (yes, Batman) from an amazing group called "The Iowa League of Heros" made a special appearance at the hospital to cheer and encourage our children when they were out of sorts and worried about their daddy.
Our friend, Troy, a builder, did the necessary changes to our main level bathroom so that Darin could access it when he returned home.
Teri, Laura, Jamie, Lindsay and their husbands helped me purge and organize our belongings in our house and rearrange rooms so that Darin would have a place to sleep on the main level of our home when he was discharged from the hospital. Dawn got my kids out of the house and spoiled them for a while when we worked on these projects.
Darin's parents and siblings, though they were suffering right alongside us, worked tirelessly to care for the kids, be by Darin's side in the hospital (day and night), and keep things running smoothly at our house. I love being a team with them.
My parents traveled to Iowa and stayed with us for two weeks, helping with Childcare while Darin was In the hospital.
My friend Libby, a trained massage therapist, came to the hospital and worked the knots and kinks out of my shoulders.
Amy, a thoughtful friend, printed out pages of encouraging scriptures to put on the wall of Darin's hospital room. She also sent some snacks for me.
Mark and Cindy gave me a gift card for the hospital cafeteria for my meals while I was there.
Our church held a small worship service right in the courtyard of the hospital so that our entire family could perticipate and fellowship together.
An entire ARMY of friends, co workers, and relatives came to our home on the weekend before Darin's return home to complete a long list of projects that Darin had on his to do list before his accident.
Y'all, this isn't even all of the help we received. It is too numerous to mention it all. AND this was all provided just during the time of Darin's hospital stay. It would take another blogpost to share about the help that has come our way since he returned home almost four months ago.
To those mentioned (and not mentioned) here. Thank you. I could never repay you. Thank you for being the hands and feet of Jesus. Thank you invconveniencing yourselves. Thank you for using your gifts to help. Thank you for not letting us walk through our crisis alone. You are appreciated and loved. And I pray for God's hand of blessing to fall upon you.
Xoxo,
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