Parenting in Crisis

I was shopping at Costco last week with my Nora, and (as most Costco trips go) the longer I roamed the aisles and filled that big ol' shopping cart with glorious amounts of bulk food items and paper goods, the more unwieldy it became.  While I was scoping out the children's pajamas in the clothing section, I came upon a cute little girl, with a thick fringe of brown bangs (not unlike the kind I sported as a little girl) and I made an abrupt stop to keep my cart from plowing her over.  I guessed her to be maybe 3 1/2 or 4 years old, and I gave her a smile, as I saw and heard her mother scolding her for wandering in front of my cart.

"That's okay!" I assured the other mom, "I have three kids of my own.  I get it. And she was not a bother to me!"

"Three!" she responded, "you have your hands full!" she said

"I do," I agreed, smiling, and added, "but they are a blessing."

"Well.  They are SOME of the time." she replied.

In the next moments, I responded with a candor that is characteristic for me in my interactions with strangers and new acquaintances... and sorely lacking in discretion (which is certainly a discipline in my life that is begging for growth and improvement).  But for better or for worse I opened my mouth and said,

"Well, I'll tell you what. Six months ago, my husband fell off a 15 foot ladder, sustained a spinal cord injury and his life changed forever. But he is making an amazing recovery and I don't think he could have gotten through these difficult months nearly as well if it weren't for the motivation and smiles that our three children have afforded him."

Ooops.  Had I really just said that?  Had I just reprimanded a poor unsuspecting woman who had probably just had a rough day with her pre-schooler? Heck, I know that pre-schoolers (even cute, curious ones with fringe bangs) are notorious for pushing boundaries, trying to usurp control from their parents and being inflexible and demanding.  Did I really have to make her uncomfortable with our big dramatic spinal cord injury story that is about as heavy as that big cart I was pushing around and almost ran her daughter over with?

To this fellow, Costco-shopping mommy: I don't think you will ever read this, but if by some strange coincidence you do, please receive my apologies for blurting that out.  It was impulsive, preachy and uncalled for. I am embarrassed and I am sorry.

But, if any kernel remains from my display of candor in Costco... if any good stays with me from that memory, it is this: Raising little children is hard. Raising little children in the midst of family crisis and upheaval is harder than I could have ever dreamed.  Sleepless nights with a teething toddler, behavioral challenges that are out of this world with my older two, their innocent and heartbreaking questions shooting straight through all of my fears and confusion when our world as we knew it was crumbling down and taking an unrecognizable form.  Coordinating childcare when needed, attempting to keep some of our homeschooling routine, getting them to their own doctors appointments, dance classes and art classes. Getting them to bed at night before double digits, talking them through their traumatic memories from the day their daddy fell and was whisked away to the hospital on a fire truck... Fielding all of this while trying to support and advocate for Darin and learning to provide care for him that I never dreamed would be required of me at the age of 34. No doubt about it.  This has been complicated.  And crazy hard.

But our three sweet babies.  Lucy. Collin. Nora.  They are gifts from the hand of God Almighty, vessels of His grace, and healing balm to our souls.  I don't know if they will ever know how much they mean to us, now more than ever, unless or until they have babies of their own someday. 


Everyday I stumble as their mother. Every day, there is some way that I don't do right by them. But I hope. And I pray. That they too will see and receive grace upon grace poured out over them from God in Heaven and if Darin and I get to administer some small portions of that grace as we parent them in the midst of these challenging and difficult times, we consider it a beautiful privilege and honor.

xoxo,