Buddy System

In a recent post I shared a bit about my and Darin's experience of discovering Lucy's special needs, and our process of finding the help she/we needed through occupational therapy, speech-language therapy and family counseling/therapy.  I shared in a fairly matter-of-fact manner about those experiences, and this is something of a follow-up post addressing a matter of the heart pertaining to her specific need for help in social settings...

Any mother desires to see her children (with or without special needs) find acceptance and make connections with friends. Most kids from time to time experience the pain of being left out or rejected by peers, so I have a feeling that most people can relate to my heart when it comes to helping Lucy form relationships with other kids.

The best way I can share is with a quick story. A few months back, I brought the kids to a park for some playtime.  Lucy quickly noticed two little girls close to her age who already knew each other and appeared to have been brought by their mothers for a play date. The two girls were happily playing and chatting together and I could tell by the way Lucy was observing them that she wanted to be a part of their friendship.  While Lucy can ask and respond to many questions and can engage in simple conversational language, she is not able to converse on a level that is typical for her peers. This doesn't mean she doesn't desire to make conversation, so her approach in this situation with the two girls was to physically place herself in between them and verbalize a string of unintelligible gibberish in a conversational manner. 

One of the girls paused, gave Lucy a puzzled look and said, "Are you talkin' Japanese?"

I gave the girl a smile and said in a cheerful voice, "No, sometimes she just likes to speak in her own made up language." 

The girl then said, "Okay," and then went back to playing with her original friend.

Of course the other girl's response to Lucy was completely innocent and actually pretty funny (I did get a chuckle out of it), but this story does illustrate what I have come to accept: sometimes it is not realistic to expect that Lucy's peers will be able to understand how to interact with Lucy in a one on one situation without guidance from me.  

My dilemma is that I don't always want to be a "helicopter" parent hovering about Lucy and jumping into her and Collin's playtime with other kids.  Thankfully, Darin and I HAVE found a strategy that plays a key role in making social situations successful for Lucy and it is nothing more than the good old-fashioned "Buddy System".  

The trick here is to do what we can to find other kids who are a bit OLDER than Lucy (for her that means kids ranging from ages 7 to the "tweens") who might take interest in being her "buddy".  For example, we have a family who is dear to us who has a daughter who is now 11.  For more than two years now, this sweet girl has come over to our house once a week after school to give me a hand with the kids.  Both kids love her and I often bring her with us when we venture to a park or the zoo.  Her presence is really helpful when Lucy is in social settings that would otherwise be difficult for her.  She is still a kid but she also has the ability to see when Lucy needs extra help or guidance and she does a beautiful job providing just that.

Another way that the "buddy" system helped Lucy tremendously is when she attended Vacation Bible School at my parents-in-law's church two summers ago.  While I wasn't ready to put her into the VBS at our own church, my mother-in-law invited us to have Lucy attend their church's program because they had volunteer buddies available specifically for kids with special needs.  Lucy's buddy (a teenage girl)  just hung out with Lucy during the week and helped her participate in most of the activities.  She could tell when Lucy just wasn't "jiving" with the program and in those instances, she would take Lucy for a little walk until she seemed ready to enter back into the group setting. 

And most recently the "buddy system" has come into play for Lucy in an amazing local program offered by Ballet Des Moines called Dance Without Limits (DWOL). This is a ten-week dance class for children with special needs who may not be able to successfully participate in a typical dance class.  The heart of how DWOL works lies in the WONDERFUL helpers who are tween and teenage dancers who volunteer their time. Lucy absolutely loves her sweet helpers and I think she would do just about anything they asked of her.

For those who read this and have children who also seem to need some extra help in social settings, I hope that what I have shared gives you some encouragement and some ideas.  For those of you who have older children who would enjoy being a "buddy", know that there are children with "hidden disabilities" all around you, and I would encourage you to simply pay attention.  If or when you become cognizant of such a child in your circle consider trying to make such a connection with your son or daughter.  Perhaps you are member of a church and are aware that there are children in your fellowship who could benefit greatly from having a "buddy" with them during Sunday School or other children's programs. If this idea were to get the wheels turning in your head, perhaps you could help to put a volunteer system in place like the one at my parents-in-law's church.  I guarantee it would make a difference in the lives of these children and their families.

Thanks for reading and allowing me to share my heart and suggestions with you on this matter. : ) I can't adequately express how "magical" this approach has been for Lucy and what it could be for other's like her.

xoxo,