Tonight I am remembering a powerful conversation I had with Lucy the night before Easter. I was putting her and Collin to bed and our "pillow talk" was pretty deep as we were all trying hard to process what had happened to Darin and I still had such limited information to give them about his future.
What I am about to share may sound familiar to many of you, because it is something I shared word-for-word on Facebook almost a year ago. This past week I have been trying to share only memories that I had not previously shared on Facebook or other social media, but frankly, this moment was so powerful I simply must revisit it. Here is what I wrote:
"Mommy, why did God chose Daddy to be hurt and go to the hospital?" Well. That's the question, isn't it?
Lucy asked me this minutes before she fell asleep tonight. As I fumbled through my answers there were only two solid thoughts that came to me by God's grace and I feel compelled to share them with you here.
First:
God chose to take on human flesh. He became like us, felt our weaknesses, knew the sorrows of our sin sick world. His name is Jesus. And he died a most painful death so that all our guilt might too be put to death and set us free from sin's curse. I told Lucy that Jesus knows how her Daddy feels right now because he too was 'big hurt' when he died.
Second:
Our suffering gives us a chance to become more like Jesus, our Savior. I told Lucy that I believe that her daddy is learning to be more like Jesus through the experience of being hurt and in the hospital. She did not quite grasp this but by grace I pray she (and all of us) will continue to do the hard work of grasping this.
And a third thought has since entered my mind since she and I talked:
Tomorrow I (and many) celebrate that Jesus, our Lord was raised literally to life again after he died, giving us who have trusted Him hope that we too will one day receive a new and whole body, like His.
So when I contemplate the question: 'will Darin walk again?' The answer is yes. I don't know if he will walk on this side of eternity, BUT Jesus is the answer... That one day, Darin will have a body like Christ's-free from the limitations of this world (and his injury). And he will walk again."
I remember around the time I wrote those words, my prayers about Darin's healing became more and more about asking God to do whatever He knew would bring most glory to Him in Darin's life. If God would get more glory from a world that saw miraculous physical healing in Darin, then I wanted that. If God would get more glory in a scenario that involved permanent and total paralysis from the waist down for Darin, then as painful as it would be, I wanted that. For I was coming to understand words that I had already read many times in my faith journey from Paul's 2nd Letter to the Corinthian church (4:14-18):
"...because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal"In light of eternity, even if Darin did not walk again until Heaven, I believed that he would someday look at these days as "light and momentary troubles". The power of Jesus' resurrection means that our days here and now are not the end and they are not the best. The best is as they say, "yet to come". But the days we are given in the here and now are still a gift and our opportunity to choose HIM in faith and shine bright in the midst of darkness.
I want to conclude, by asking you (if you are still reading), if you can see yourself when you consider the story of Jesus's suffering, death and resurrection? I have not taken the time to share all of these memories simply to be another "inspiring story" or to present ourselves as unique in any way. I know that you have been or will be touched by sufferings and trials of many kinds. I also believe that Jesus Christ, fully God and fully man achieved through His own suffering victory over sin and death. His victory is yours to avail yourself to if you so desire. His story can become your story. The heavy burdens you carry can too be regarded as light and momentary. I sincerely hope they will be.
xoxo,
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