Taking Heart In the Face of Fear

 The memory I want to share now is how overwhelmed I was with fear right before Darin had surgery to stabilize his burst vertebra.  So the spinal cord is kind of a big deal (insert smiley face) and there were bone fragments that were pressing on his spinal cord which had caused the injury.  It was important that the fragments be removed and the vertebra be reconstructed surgically so that pressure could be taken off the spinal cord and further injury might be prevented. The success of this surgery could make the difference as to whether Darin would have a chance to walk again in this life.

The surgery was estimated to take about seven hours.  As you can imagine, it would require a great deal of skill and precision.  To give you an idea of how intense the surgery was, here is a picture of his x-ray after the surgery (spoiler alert: the surgery was successful and went according to plan):

I felt so nervous going into it, I wanted to throw up.  The night before his surgery I was at home and tried everything I could to calm my soul.  I prayed, read scripture, had a glass of wine, talked to caring friends.  But by about 2:00 AM I realized that I was not going to be able to sleep and was too restless to stay at home.  So with my parents-in-law at my house with the kids, I drove to the hospital. When I arrived, I checked on Darin and he was deeply sleeping so I woke up our friend Matt who was the "nightwatchman" at the time and did what any other woman in my shoes would do at that moment: I ugly cried.  Matt wiped the sleep out of his eyes and placed a caring hand on my shoulder and prayed for Darin and for me.  The ugly crying continued, but after Matt finished praying, I was able to breathe, take heart and receive some stability.

Tonight I am remembering how Jesus spent a good deal of time with his disciples in between his entry into Jerusalem and his arrest.  John 13:1 says:

"Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart out of this world to the Father, having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end."

First of all, can I just stop and absorb the words, "he loved them to the end"?  What a simple, beautiful, powerful statement about his love for "his own."  Reading on in John chapters 13-18 we see Jesus wash his disciples' feet and then give him his parting words of caution, instruction, prophecy and comfort. Towards the end of his parting words, he states plainly in 16:33 that they would be guaranteed troubles, suffering and sorrow.  But he offers hope:

"In the world you will have tribulation.  But take heart; I have overcome the world."

He then concludes in prayer calling upon the Heavenly Father to strengthen them, protect them and work wonders through them.  And then we come to another statement in 17:20 that makes all the difference for us today:

"I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they may also be in us..."

He was not only addressing and praying for those disciples present with him in that time.  He was praying for those who were yet to come.  And I realize that is me!  That is Darin!  That is everyone who has since trusted on the name of Jesus for their forgiveness and redemption. And he is loving us to the end, and imploring us to take heart when we are afraid and to remember that He has overcome the world and the tribulations in it.

xoxo,