When Suffering Makes It Easy to Sin

Probably three or four days into Darin's hospitalization, the sheer adrenaline that helped me to keep putting one foot in front of the other faded away.  I was exhausted.  The pain of watching the man I love languish in a hospital bed, the wisdom required to give my children the information they needed to process the topsy turvey world they were thrust into, the coordination required to keep our loved ones updated on Darin's ever-changing condition... it all took an emotional and physical toll.  I began to feel raw and agitated and snippy. Or if I wasn't those things I started to distort all the encouraging words I was receiving from friends and family and pridefully think, "You know, they are right, aren't they?! I AM pretty great!"  I remember one night when I was talking with Pastor Scott in the hallway outside Darin's room in the ICU, I looked at him and said, "It is getting REALLY easy to sin right now."

There are a lot of voices that might try to reassure me by suggesting that it wasn't that I was SINNING, per se, it was just that I was stressed. Under pressure, Hurting.  And yes, I was all of those things.  But instead of making me immune to sin, they made me more vulnerable to the temptation to sin.  Or rather, they did when I tried to shoulder them all alone. What did it look like when I attempted to shoulder my burdens alone? It looked a lot like not calling upon God for help but focusing all my energy and attention on our circumstances.  It looked like not embracing little opportunities for rest when they presented themselves.  It looked like me thinking that Darin's and our kids' well being was dependent on how well I took care of them.

My reflection for tonight is simple: my suffering makes it easy to sin; Jesus' suffering has paid for my sin. Prophetic words about Jesus from Isaiah 53:4-5  put it so beautifully:

"Surely he has borne our grbiefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted.  But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed."

I can't fully grasp this mystery but I have firsthand experience now to know that my suffering reveals my own inadequacy and sinfulness.  Jesus' suffering without sin, revealed his diety.  This is not my observation, but one made by an eyewitness of his crucifixion.  Mark 15:39 says:

"And when the centurian who stood there in front of Jesus, saw how he died, he said, 'Surely this man was the Son of God.'"

To be in this world is to suffer at some point. And I have come to believe that when one enters a time of suffering they must confront a battle they can't win on their own.  Only God could suffer and do so victoriously, that is without sin.  I believe that when God in human flesh died, he uttered the words, "It is finished"  (John 19:30) because  he truly finished what we couldn't do.  And then extended His victory to us.  Gave us an invitation to trust him for the forgiveness we couldn't earn.

So when my suffering makes it easy to sin, I don't need to try harder not to sin.  I need only stop and say, "Oh wait, Jesus already finished this battle for me" and take His invitation to rest in that.

xoxo,