It's an understatement to say that it has "been awhile" since I last
posted. There have been some big changes and milestones for our family
that have happened since then. Here is the biggest and by far SWEETEST
change our family has experienced:
This little 4-month-old, 12 lb package of sweetness is Nora Amelia. She was born to us on October 8th, 2013 and she has simply stolen our hearts. She cries and fusses quite a lot (more than either of her older siblings did as babies) and she grins and giggles even more. Carrying her was a little more taxing than my pregnancy with Collin, but giving birth to her was so "easy" it was almost dreamlike. She hates napping during the day, but loves sleeping at night. She loves to snuggle close to me in my baby carrier, but also loves moving around and flexing her muscles during playtime. The whole family is smitten with this sweet little study in contrasts, but no one's affections for her seem to rival her big sister Lucy's (although Collin's run a VERY close second).
In other family updates, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer a little over a year ago and has since undergone surgery, chemotherapy and radiation treatments. We are all just so thankful that our "Mama Gail" was diagnosed early, treated in a timely manner and is now cancer free. It was hard to see my mother endure the suffering that this chapter brought (especially with the miles that physically separate us), but it has also been a privilege to see her do so with her eyes fixed on Jesus and with a spirit of dependence on Him. Thankfully her chemo and radiation treatments concluded BEFORE our Nora was born and she and my dad were both able to come and spend time with us as soon as she arrived.
It has been a "milestone" school year for Miss Lucy as she and I have been homeschooling for kindergarten. While academic learning definitely does not come easily for her, she simply LOVES school time. Even if everything else in her world isn't going her way, she is always eager to sit down with me for our lessons and I couldn't be more proud of her. She is making particularly great strides in reading and math and it is such a privilege to be a part of that learning process with her.
Darin and I decided to enroll Collin in a preschool class for this year which we feel has been especially beneficial for him in light of all the changes that a new baby has brought for our family. He attends on Tuesdays and Thursdays and it has been just a wonderful addition to his life and I see the fruits of his teachers' investments in him as we continue to reinforce his early learning here at home. He is a joy and his creativity, curiosity and desire to be a helper have blossomed during the past few months.
Darin and I are both pretty exhausted these days, but investing in the life of our little family has certainly been a rewarding way to be tired. These early days of parenthood may not be the most glamorously romantic times for a marriage, but working side by side sure opens our eyes to the depth of our devotion to each other and certainly reveals where our dependence lies. Thankfully, though imperfectly, we are both depending on the sustaining grace of our Lord Jesus Christ in this life as we eagerly await our perfection in the life to come. I have been especially blessed to see Darin manage a truly demanding career at our local community college in addition to serving and loving our family. He has been creating and implementing programs in our community that provide vocational training to folks who are unemployed and underemployed and then connects them to potential employers. It just makes this former social worker's heart go all a flutter and makes me fall in love with him all over again. I love my guy.
We didn't get a Christmas card out this year nor did we even send out a birth announcement for Nora, so please accept this blog post as a (belated) substitute. I am just so thankful to be the wife and mommy in this bunch. On the pleasant days and the rough ones.
I remember talking with my mom and dad right after we lost my dear grandmother about 2 1/2 years ago. Reminiscing about "Mama Ann" soon turned into my parents reminiscing about their childhoods and one of the things they talked about was their mothers' daily coffee visits with the other mothers in their neighborhoods. It sounds like it was the norm for the neighborhood homemakers in the 50's to have daily coffee with each other. Both my parents remember how everyday after their mothers had their essential domestic tasks completed they would call up "Mrs. So-in-So" who lived a couple of doors down to find out whose house was the coffee site for that morning. It wasn't a question of "if" they would have coffee it was who was coming over to whose house for coffee.
I am happy with my and Darin's decision to live off of his income so that I can stay home with our children...AND I admire and respect mothers who earn income in or outside of their home in addition to their mothering responsibilities. So this post is not meant to complain about the fact that it is not exactly the "norm" for mothers be full-time homemakers anymore. But I have to say that hearing my parents talk about their mothers' daily coffee visits made me stop in my tracks and ponder the fact that the neighborhood camaraderie that mothers seemed to share in that day is a thing of the past. Today mothers who desire something similar must forge those realtionships with creativity and determination.
I have been singularly blessed with many dear friends who are authentic and encouraging, giving me many avenues to forge that type of connection. April is one such friend.
April has three kids all close in age to mine and she and her husband have also chosen to homeschool. She and I became friends at church years before either of us had children. When we were in the process of adopting Lucy, April and her husband Troy were some of our best "cheerleaders", and before that, she was one of my most considerate and thoughtful friends when I was experiencing infertility. She threw me a shower when Lucy came home to us... she got goosebumps when I told her I was pregnant with Collin. So last fall when she approached me with the idea of us getting our kids together regularly throughout the school year, I agreed without hesitation.
Before the school year began, the two of us had coffee and discussed our hopes and ideas for our times together. We decided that each of us would plan one "playdate" each month for the duration of the school year calendar. And let me tell you...this is the best thing I have done with/for my children this entire year when it comes to our homeschooling endeavors. We have done a variety of playdates both in the community and in each other's homes. Some of them have had educational components to them, others have been purely recreational. Some have gone so smoothly they were almost dreamlike.... others were a little bumpy and involved tears and making up. It is almost summer now and we are wrapping up for the school year... As I am reflecting on our time together, I'd like to share some observations that April and I have consistently made about our playdates and how they have benefited our families: 1. Less-Gumpy Mommies. Let's just keep it real. The smiling faces that you see on us and our children in the pictures we post on Facebook don't exactly tell the whole story. One of the realities of stay-at-home motherhood is that mothers can sometimes become...well...grumpy. And the age-old adage that says, "if mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"... Yeah it's the truth. April and I can both attest to the fact that often we have come into playdates frazzled and grumpy. But something happens when we meet up. We get into a new environment, our kids are thrilled to see each other and all of a sudden the isolation we may have been feeling melts away and we aren't taking ourselves quite so seriously. It is beautiful. For us and for our children. 2. Bonding Occurs. It has been so beautiful to watch our children bond with each other this year. Preschool and early elementary years are such a tender and important time for our children's development. Among all the things we seek to teach our kids, one of the most challenging "subjects" for them to grasp is the give and take of developing friendships. Having a small group of friends to be with on a regular basis has afforded us the delightful opportunity to guide our kids through the process of caring for, learning with, apologizing to, forgiving and celebrating with their peers. Most parents care about the friendships their children develop, and our window of influence in this aspect of their lives is short. We are so thankful to have found a pleasant way to make the most of this time that we have to guide them on how to find and be good friends.
3. Masks Come Off. I am currently reading the book No More Perfect Moms by Jill Savage, and in chapter one she urges moms to remove their "masks" that would otherwise communicate to the world that we don't have problems. Although I tend to think that I am not prone to portray myself or my life as more rosey than it is, when I am honest I will agree that I am still tempted to put on a "mask" of perfection as much as any woman. But when I am consistently spending face time with April and our kids, there is simply not an option to wear that mask. We know each other well enough now to see through them. It's healthy as mothers to be in that positon regularly.
I could go on and on (arguably, I have gone on and on), and not just about my friendship with April. I could tell you about Kimberly, Shannon, Jonna, Amy, Andrea, Jamie, Stacy-all friends (who are also moms) near and far whose presence in my life won't allow me to think I am doing this alone. My point is this: it is currently so easy to live in isolation as mothers and developing the friendships we need to combat that isolation takes intentional effort, creativity and energy. I hope that in sharing some details about experiences that April and I have had (and I have done so with her permission) I have conveyed that it is SO worth the effort, creativity and energy. If our kids could articulate it, I believe they would say so too.
It has been on my heart lately to share a little about how the process of identifying Lucy's special needs has opened my and Darin's hearts more and more to seeking help (in the professional sense) for her (and us).
It has been humbling for me to realize that there are aspects of parenting our daughter that Darin and I are not able to handle without professional help. The amount and type of help we have sought and received has come in many stages and varieties, and I am guessing that other types of help also will enter our world in the future. I shared in this post about our experiences with identifying Lucy's expressive-receptive language disorder and sensory processing disorder and how we found help for her through speech-language therapy and occupational therapy. After about a year of occupational therapy and approximately two-years of speech-language therapy, we were feeling really encouraged. Lucy was making amazing language progress and many of the difficult sensory-seeking behaviors were minimized.
We were, however experiencing increased meltdowns that were triggered when Darin or I had to correct, redirect or discipline Lucy. If it were not for the presence of Lucy's other known issues, we might have chalked up these behavioral challenges to being a "phase" or consider her to be a "strong-willed child". But understanding everything we already did caused us to dig a little deeper into Lucy's behaviors. "Conventional" wisdom in how to discipline children fell flat with her (i.e. timeouts, removing privileges, etc.). She either seemed completely unaffected by these measures or would melt-down to the point that any teachable opportunity was lost. Sometimes her emotional response to our discipline measures seemed unusual and puzzling, for example when I took a serious or stern tone with her, she would erupt in uncontrollable laughter. When I would calmly attempt to remove her from an escalated situation, she would become panicky, yelling at me in protest and sometimes become physically aggressive towards me. Sometimes these meltdowns would last 45-minutes to an hour. Sometimes they would occur multiple times a day. I found myself feeling hopeless and sometimes angry. I was also at a loss as to how to give Collin the attention he deserved from me when so much of my energy was spent helping Lucy through these episodes that were beyond her (and my) control. Too often when Lucy's meltdowns occurred, I just set Collin down in front of a DVD, feeling horribly guilty for resorting to that. I told Darin that I believed that it was time to enlist the help of a child and family therapist. This was the help that was the most difficult to seek out... I won't dive into it here, but this was the realization that hurt my "pride" the most.
I had to tackle this feeling of wounded pride head-on, because I knew it was a hindrance to getting what our family needed to keep moving forward. All of a sudden I had a "flash-forward" in my mind to Lucy's early adulthood. I wondered what the trajectory of our family's life would look like if we started to get that help right now as opposed to what it would look like if we kept trudging along in isolation and frustration. I feared that the visible anxieties, stress and sadness that Darin and I felt over these struggles would start to make it harder for Lucy to feel secure in her relationship with her mommy and daddy. I feared that the progress we'd made since her infancy in developing a trusting parent-child bond would be disrupted. I also feared that I would become too negative towards her and she would pick up on it. I knew that getting professional help for these challenges wouldn't guarantee a smooth future, but I imagined us continuing on the path we'd been on WITHOUT help for the long haul. I imagined Lucy as a young adult, perhaps feeling disconnected and distrustful of us. I imagined myself having to tell her that when she was a little girl, we saw hints of these challenges brewing and considered getting help but refused to do so because of our pride. Pardon me for saying this, but that's crap. For me, envisioning the possibility of having to admit that to my adult daughter sealed the deal. I hope with all my heart that as a young adult, Lucy will feel close to us... that she will feel safe with me as her mother and might even be able to view me as a friend. But, if that is not what unfolds in the future, I'd hate to look back upon her early childhood and have memories of myself clinging to my pride rather than humbling myself when the Holy Spirit had prompted me to let it go and get help. And I am convinced that the "flash forward" moment I had was a gift from God.
Soon after that key moment, Darin and I got a referral from the agency where Lucy receives her speech and occupational therapies and began to meet regularly with a child and family therapist. We ended up meeting with this gal for about 3 or 4 months and she helped us learn some simple ideas/strategies that we would have never thought of on our own. Many of these strategies have made a difference in our ability to guide Lucy in her behavior. Even though it wasn't practical or feasible to continue meeting regularly with her for the long term, I will look back on the time we spent with her as a turning point and springboard from which we began to make strides in learning to understand and approach Lucy's behavioral challenges.
More recently, we have decided to begin a modified "Applied Behavioral Analysis" (ABA) program in our home with a delightful gal whom we recently connected with. Ruth is the wife of a pastor at a large local church who has parented a child (now age 18) with issues similar to Lucy's. I began reading Ruth's blog which she launched several months ago, called Connecting One Piece at a Time and while perusing her site I read about the in-home ABA services she offers to families like ours. This is the statement from Ruth that captured my attention the most:
"I have developed a passion for encouraging, helping and training children who have learning differences, along with their families. I love helping families normalize family life while living with disabilities."
Between that statement and the encouragement I received from her regular blog posts, I knew that it was worth our while to pursue her help. So we met her and acquainted her with Lucy's specific needs and began the process of hiring her to come and work with Lucy (and our family) on a weekly basis. We just had our first session with Ruth this past week and all I can say is that I am feeling grateful and hopeful about this addition to the array of help we have sought and received.
Lucy is a curious, helpful, compassionate, sharing, enthusiastic little girl all wrapped up in an adorable 35 lb package. It breaks my heart that at times I have been so preoccupied with how to understand her needs and challenges and how to parent her that I have been hindered in enjoying her as the beautiful gift that she is. But now, with the combination of help that we currently have in place for her I feel like I am being given back the gift of simply enjoying her as my daughter. I praise God and acknowledge that it's His hand that has guided us through every step in this process. It is so worth it to seek help. And I hope that somehow our story can encourage others who may need help but feel reluctant to seek it in their own parenting journey.
So we are two months into 2013 and our Midwest winter weather has afforded my little sweeties and I a lot of indoor time at home. We have been plugging away at our pre-school lessons, but it has been awhile since we've done a Before Five in a Row unit (as much as we LOVE doing them). I have several more BFIAR books on our shelf that I hope to go through with Lucy and Collin before the school year is up, but after Christmas, I was looking at all the gifts the kids received for Christmas as well as the MANY wonderful educational games, books (not BFIAR), iPad apps and preschool materials that we have collected over time. I realized that while I was scouring the internet every week for printable materials to go with BFIAR lessons, I wasn't making the best use of what we already had at our fingertips. So, during the past couple of months we have taken a less formal approach for our learning times by simply pulling things from our school room shelves and our iPad and enjoying them together.
Here is a smattering of SOME of our favorite things that we have recently enjoyed together:
1. ABCs of God app for iPhone and iPad. We have had this sweet little iPad app for several months now, and I just adore it. It addresses letter recognition, writing, upper case and lower cases and highlights a different attribute of God for each letter. Lucy has mastered letter recognition and sounds, but my Collin is still working on these concepts, so I have him play with this app a lot and he really enjoys it!
2. Gakken Let's Create preschool workbook. If you are a fan of the Kumon preschool work books, then you will love this Gakken preschool workbook, "Let's Create". It includes tracing, cutting, pasting, and coloring. The illustrations are engaging and cute and it includes stickers to put on each completed sheet as a reward. It is a hit with both my kids. My only wish is that the sheets were perforated especially for the pasting activities, but we still love it.
3. Sneaky Snacky Squirrel Game. I can't express how much preschoolers learn through playing board games! Aside from the academic component of educational games, I love the opportunities to teach social skills such as waiting for your turn and learning to win and lose graciously. Lucy and Collin request to play the Sneaky Snacky Squirrel Game all the time. It is very similar to "Hi-Ho-Cherry-O" with the added step of grasping the pieces (in this case, acorns) with tongs, which is a great fine motor skill practive.
4. Over the Rainbow Game. This is another great board game that my kiddos love. I am very impressed with the quality of the cardboard pieces and illustrations. It addresses color recognition and helps to build vocabulary.
5. Eloise Wilkin Stories In the beginning of this school year, I was considering using Sonlight's Pre K 3-4 Core with Lucy and Collin. While I didn't go with the full set, I did purchase some of the individual books from the reading list, and the Eloise Wilkin Stories treasury book has been such a big, big hit. I love and recognize many of these stories from my childhood and they have obviously stood the test of time because Lucy and Collin have become quite attached and seem to have made friends with several of the characters even though they are obviously from a different era. The first morning that I read "We Help Mommy" to them, they were practically begging me to give them some household chores to do. Score!
6. Bug Games app for iPhone and iPad. Here is another pre-school iPad app that we love. It includes phonics, visual-spatial awareness, counting/number recognition and music activities in a bright and simple bug-related games. Lucy and Collin particularly enjoy putting virtual stickers on the giant leaf every time they complete three activities in a row.
7. The Book of Children's Classics. I think I picked up this book treasury at Half-Price Books years ago before I even had children. I bought it because it contained so many beloved children's books from my own childhood that I had to have it and save it for "when I had kids someday". The included stories that have been the biggest hits in our home are: Corduroyby Don Freeman, Ferdinand the Bull by Munro Leaf, and Madeline by Ludwig Bemelmans. These books have been a particularly big hit with Collin, and he loves to retell them in his own words, which is such a great learning practice, especially championed by the Charlotte Mason educational methods.
8. Preschool Lotto Game by Eeboo. This is yet another high-quality game that Lucy and Collin keep requesting to play over and over again. It is also a great vocabulary-builder, especially for kids like Lucy who need extra help with speech-language development. If you haven't discovered Eeboo products yet, then you are in for a treat. Their games, puzzles and craft kits are so fun, creative and engaging. I have a feeling that this game is just the first of many Eeboo products to enter our home.
Another exciting development in our family that pertains to our preschool endeavors, is that Miss Lucy has begun sounding out words! I have been so proud of her dedication to learning to read simple words and I can't express how wonderful of a feeling it was for me to be present for the first word that she sounded out independently. To keep her little mind stimulated, I created a couple of sight words file folder games. She brings them to me all the time requesting to "work on her words". I thought it would be fun to share the two games that I created as free printables, in hopes that they will be fun early-reading activities for others to enjoy with their little ones. I am totally new to this whole PDF-document-making and uploading thing, so if anyone would be so kind as to test these links out and let me know if you were able to successfully download them, I would love to know if they work or not!
We sure have been enjoying our laid-back learning here at home in the past few months. I hope that these "reviews" are helpful and give good ideas to other parents who desire to have meaningful learning opportunities at home with their preschoolers!
1. I am a stay-at-home mommy to two busy, WIGGLY preschoolers living in a COLD climate. They I depend on them getting adequate physical activity during the day for life to run smoothly around here, and our options for physical activity in the winter are very limited. The majority of our indoor options involve yucky germs and can be a little overstimulating (i.e. fast food play places, indoor mall play areas and the like, so we try to limit the frequency of our visits to such places).
2. I believe in music and its many, many benefits to our lives. Not that I am at all musically gifted... I can't carry tune, and I never learned how to read music, but I grew up in a family that absolutely appreciated and promoted music. When I worked as a caseworker for kids and adults with intellectual disabilities (before our kids came along) I remember attending a seminar about music therapy, and I really enjoyed learning about how music has been instrumental in helping kids who were non or pre-verbal learn ways to communicate and gain language. Now as a mother to a child with Mixed Expressive-Receptive Language Disorder, I can vouch for how beneficial music is to these kiddos. Lucy didn't start verbalizing words until she was past the age of two and her initial vocabulary came directly from songs that we would listen to with her or sing to her.
3. I am a dancer at heart. I spent the better part of my childhood taking dance classes- tapping, twirling, leaping and doing the running man in my spare time. I don't formally dance any more, but it will always be a part of me (for a good story, ask my friend, Shannon about the time she showed up at my house for coffee and learned heard my love for tap dancing) and it will likely always be a way that I bond with my kids.
And so, over the past year or so, Lucy, Collin and I have gathered some favorite tunes that we have enjoyed together. Some of these songs have simple choreography that we like to do with them, others have little instructions built right into the lyrics and we need only listen and participate when they show up in our play list. Some encourage dramatic play, others we simply free-dance with, and still others we enjoy best when we grab a simple rhythm instrument and enter into the beat. It occurred to me on this bitterly cold January day while we were having a dance party, that some of my mommy-friends might enjoy taking a peak at our playlist and seeing what we do with the songs to help them get through the winter doldrums with their little ones too!
So HERE are 15 songs that we enjoy together on a regular basis! **All of the songs I mention below can be purchased/downloaded from iTunes with the EXCEPTION of the two songs that were produced by Group Publishing for their Vacation Bible School programs from 2009 and 2012 I have included Youtube videos for those.** Also, for the ones that have choreography that was NOT created by me, I have included the Youtube videos that I used to learn the choreography. I normally just use the videos to teach myself and then I teach the kids using the audio only.
Hope you enjoy:
1. "Shake Your Body Down" by Laurie Berkner Band. Can be found on iTunes with their album, "Party Day". This one has choreography that is built right into the lyrics. It is super fun, really cute and has been a huge hit, especially with Miss Lucy.
2. "No Matter How I Feel" from Group Publishing's 2012 VBS program, "Sky". I discovered this song when my parents gave me the"Sky" music CD after their church did this program for their VBS last year.. It is really upbeat and it addresses something that we have been trying to help our kids understand: negative emotions and how to bring them before God.
3. "I'm a Gummy Bear (The Gummy Bear Song)", available on iTunes. This song and the choreography came to us directly from the goodness that is "Just Dance Kids 2" for the Wii. It is nothing more than sheer silliness. You're welcome.
4. "Rag Mop" byLionel Hampton and His Orchestra. We love this one so much. We normally do free dance and grab some instruments like maracas or rhythm sticks and play them in time with the spelling of the word "Rag Mop" or rather "R-A-G-G M-O-P-P" in the song. Get ready to tap your toes! We got into this and the next two songs when we received this awesome music compilation CD, "Jazz for Kids: Sing, Clap Wiggle and Shake".
5. "Old McDonald", Ella Fitzgerald, also from "Jazz for Kids: Sing, Clap Wiggle and Shake". This rendition of "Old McDonald" redefined the song for me and now if it comes to mind, this is the version that plays in my head. We love to free dance, jump on our mini trampoline and of course, sing along with this one!
6. "Chicken Rhythm", Sam Gaillard, again from "Jazz for Kids: Sing, Clap Wiggle and Shake". Another song for sheer silliness. We just strut around and squawk like chickens. Pretty much impossible to put this song on and not smile!
7. "Shaking Your Maracas", Julie Wylie on the album "Do the Bean Bag Bop" available on iTunes. This one is mellow and a good exercise in listening to and following instructions. Engaging and sweet. Make sure you have a pair of maracas or another shaker instrument if you give this one a try.
8. "Bean Bag Rock", from the album, "Children's Songs and Activities" on iTunes. I came across this when I was searching for fun ways to play with bean bags. It's pretty old...I'm thinking 1970s? Makes me think of School-House Rock songs. Anyways, each person needs their own bean bag and we just listen and do what it tells us to do with the beanbags. Pretty simple. Very silly. Quite dorky.
9. "Ring Around the Rosie", from the album, "Mickey's Party Songs". If you can stomach the sound of Goofy's voice singing this old classic multiple times in one track, your kids will find it delightful. It definitely won't be your favorite, but que sera. It has been a hit when we have a larger group of kiddos over for playdates. We put the mini trampoline in the middle and let each kid take turns jumping on it while the others circle around them.
10. "Mambo Italiano", Rosemary Clooney from the album, "16 Most Requested Songs: Rosemary Clooney". When I was a sophmore in college, one of my hallmates in the dorm would play this song extra loud and we'd all congregate there and belt it out and dance to it for study breaks. I introduced this song to my kids for the express purpose of reliving those memories. Turns out they (and most kids) love it. You'll love dancing with your kids to it too!
11. "When Will my Life Begin" from Disney's "Tangled (Soundtrack from the Motion Picture)". If you have seen this movie, you will know why it made our playlist. My kids and I like to sing and dance while waving around a super long piece of tulle. We pretend that it is Rapunzel's hair. Cute. : )
12. "We're Going on a Bear Hunt", Chalfont Singers from the album, "Kids Dance and Play". This is a classic and so fun to act out. Bonus points if you build a cave out of sofa cushions. Extra bonus points if you do this at night with the lights off while toting a flashlight.
13. "Life's a Happy Song" from "The Muppets (Original Soundtrack)". I have a weakness for anything "Muppets" and I have a dream to organize a tap-dancing flash mob to this song... Until that dream becomes a reality, I settle for dancing with my kids to it. This is another fun one to use rhythm instruments with.
14. "Pass the Beanbag", find it on iTunes on the album, "Children's Songs and Activities". This is another old, fairly dorky song. We enjoy sitting in a circle and passing the bean bags along with the song, and it is especially fun to vary the speed when the song instructs us to do so. It's another great one for practicing the skill of listening to and following instructions.
15. "Hah-La-La" from Group Publishing's 2009 VBS program, "High Seas Expedition". I also received this CD from my parents after their church used this program for VBS in '09. This is another good one with a decent-sized group of kids. It gets them interacting with each other using appropriate friendly touch ("shake a friend's hand", "pat a friend's back", etc.) Great for peer interaction and learning some social skills.
And that does it! I hope this post finds its way to my friends who are also at home with their pre-school-age kids and could use some fun ideas for interacting with their kids, especially during these long winter months. I'd love to hear feedback if you introduce any of these songs to your kids and how you and they like them! Please share this post with friends too if you feel so led.
In my first post I wrote about how from the time our second child, Collin was born in July 2009 up until I began blogging, I felt like our household had been in "survival mode". The earliest years of parenting Lucy and Collin had knocked my socks off, but I finally felt like we were finding a rhythm as a family.
Well, the months of October and November seemed to have been a (hopefully temporary) lapse back into survival mode. Yep, only one month after joyfully announcing that we weren't "there" anymore and started to blog all about it, we ended up back in "that" place. I want to be a voice of authenticity about the joys AND challenges of parenting, so I decided to describe what October and November 2012 have been like and share how I am seeking to persevere in December. : )
Early on in October I discovered the possibility (which turned into hope) that I was pregnant with our third child. My hope was realized two weeks into the month when I had a positive pregnancy test! I figured out that my due date would be just a week before Collin's birthday and it brought me right back to the joyful experience of learning that I was pregnant with him four years ago. Almost like clockwork, my pregnancy was mimicking the experience of my first pregnancy. Same symptoms along the same timeline during the same time of year. Along with that first trimester exhaustion, life with Lucy and Collin became once again a bit more like "survival". I was okay with that, knowing that those "suck-the-life-out-of-you" early pregnancy days would be temporary. I had my eye on the second trimester "prize" of renewed energy and figured that we could slip back into our rhythm at that time.
We got through October and jumped into November which is traditionally our busiest month of the year. I was looking forward to having my first prenatal appointment on the 19th. Unfortunately, during that appointment when the doctor took me for an ultrasound, we discovered that there was no baby. We learned that I was experiencing a "blighted ovum" which means that at the implantation stage of pregnancy, there was no further development of the baby, even though my body continued to progress with the "pregnancy" along with all the symptoms and feelings of pregnancy.
Darin and I were (are) definitely disappointed. I allowed myself a good long day of crying and there are weepy moments that are still popping up here and there. At the same time, I just keep looking at my sweet Lucy and Collin who are here with me and feel so thankful for them and thankful to be their mommy. I remember the most valuable thing I learned from the infertility we experienced before Lucy and Collin came into our lives and Psalm 127:3 sums it up-
"Children are a heritage of the Lord, offspring a reward from Him".
In other words, children are a gift from God and not something that we deserve or are entitled to. When God allowed Darin and I to adopt Lucy in 2008 and give birth to Collin in 2009, many sweet folks told us that they were happy for us because we "deserved" those children. I knew the heart and intentions of those comments, but I have never felt that God gave me children because I deserved them.
I am sure glad I had that settled in my mind BEFORE the nitty-gritty last few years of parenting came along for Darin and I! In the moments when my kids' demands have driven me to the end of myself, I am sure glad I haven't had to wrestle with the question, "What have I done to deserve THIS?" In the sweet (almost-too-good-to-be-true) moments when I have been the object of the most pure forms of Lucy and Collin's affection, it is a good thing I haven't felt like I deserved it because I surely would have spoiled those moments with my own pride.
Now with this miscarriage, I sure am glad that the Spirit of God settled in my mind years ago that a child is an undeserved gift, otherwise, what range of emotions and questions might I be visiting right now? Instead, along with the disappointment, I can view the experience of this very short pregnancy with thankfulness. A sweet friend articulated this feeling of gratitude for me when I couldn't put my own finger on it when she wrote to me after I told her the news. She said,
"My guess is that there are some precious little treasures that only you get to keep because you were fortunate enough to get to make a home for this baby for awhile."
Her guess was right.
So, October and November 2012 in our household were about "survival". The routines that Lucy and Collin function so well on fell by the wayside and life wasn't always so smooth. I only fit in preschool lessons when I had the energy. I may have let them watch a few mores PBS shows than I normally would. They saw their mommy's emotions and may have felt a little confused by them. I am pretty sure that all of that is OK and I am pretty sure that we're slowly getting that "groove" back. AND I can remember amid all my mothering efforts that Lucy and Collin are actually in the much more capable hands of the One who gave them to me. ♥
My three greatest earthly blessing having fun together in October despite being in "survival mode" again. : )
With the arrival of cooler fall temperatures in Cental Iowa, increased exposure to GERMS has naturally begun as well. The last two weeks, both of my sweeties had a miserable, drawn-out upper respiratory cold that resulted in sinus and ear infections. Truly, this made me pause and realize that our family has enjoyed a long HEALTHY stretch for some time and I am so glad that we made it through the summer and most of the fall with virtually no sickness (at least none that I can remember) and this is indeed something to be thankful for.
We stretched out our next Before Five in a Row unit, Caps for Sale, over the course of two weeks and enjoyed reading, learning and playing in between coughing, sneezing, washing hands, doctor visits and slurping down medicine.
I am so glad we had such a fun and spirited book to learn along with, as Lucy and Collin were often needing cheering up.
This is the classic story of a cap peddler who makes a poor decision to sleep on the job and ends up losing his wares to a treeful of monkeys! As the story goes, the peddler unsuccessfully tries to get his hats back by making angry demands of the monkeys and ends up accidentally getting them back when they mimic his frustrated act of throwing his own hat to the ground and storming off. I remember this book capturing my attention as a young child in elementary school and it did the same for my two little "monkeys". We definitely enjoyed multiple readings and it was especially fun to "act" out the story together.
We enjoyed lap book activities from Homeschool Share as well as the trusty printable pack from Homeschool Creations. Notice that the majority of our school times in this unit were spent in our PJs and with rumpled hair (mommy was no exception!). Yep, that's how we roll on sick days. : )
This little activity from Homeschool Creations was a great exercise in fine motor/cutting skills as well as sequencing. They did a great job with the task of ordering the caps just the way they were in the book. I expected them to need more of my help, but it turns out they didn't need my guidance at all with this little project.
Simple fun trying different hats on our monkey "paper doll".
We of course, had to try our hand at balancing a stack of hats on our heads, just like the peddler. That's no easy task! No wonder the guy was tired and had to take a nap. : )
Poor Lucy, you can tell by her face that she felt miserable that morning!
My hat-loving boy loved this activity the best. No surprise there.
Despite being sick, these sweeties were happy and engaged with our Caps for Sale unit. I think it definitely helped that we stretched it over two weeks and took a very relaxed approach. This week they are back to their normal, healthy selves and we are currently taking another break from Before Five in a Row to enjoy a Thanksgiving-themed unit. More on that to come.
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